We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
