oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
