He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
