How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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