I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
