So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
