next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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