Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
