you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
