I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
