take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
