I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
