I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
