never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
