just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
