btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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