I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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