Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
