so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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