The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
