I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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