If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
