Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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