saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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