i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
