Best friends brother. Beat that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
