Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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