And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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