Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
