I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
