I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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