he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
