Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
