she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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