There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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