Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
