I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
