i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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