the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
