I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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