you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
