He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
