Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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