the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
