return my video game
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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