Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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