You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
