I accidentally had phone sex last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Randomize
