dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
