listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
