Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
